It all started when some Jimmy Fallon interns were having a slow day and paid my friend and I a visit at work. The girl had hardly stepped into the office before she blurted "I have a hinge date tonight." Not being from New York, I figured that "hinge" was some kind of event, or maybe even a restaurant and she just wasn't the best at sentence construction?
But no, my friends. Hinge is so much more than that.
Hinge is like the trendy normal version of Tinder. You create a profile based directly off of your Facebook profile, mutual friends, and location. The only people who pop up on your feed are people you have mutual friends with on Facebook. It lists your mutual friends, and there is even an "ask" button so that you can contact the mutual friend directly with an inquiry as to whether your potential suitor is sane, worth that swipe right, etc.
You have a batch of twelve profiles to look at each day, so when the first three guys worked at JP Morgan, ESPN, and Goldman Sachs, I decided Hinge was worth at least a three day trial. And once I hit day three and not a single person had liked me back, I knew I had finally found the dating app for me.
I find that I am interested in so few guys, the feeling of rejection connects me with these people more than anything else. I look at the profile of Tommy P who hasn't liked me back and I think, Tommy I respect you. I deem you worth my time now that you have decided I am not worth yours. Is this what love feels like?
Anyways, a week later we had started an intern office trend. Everyone got their phones out at lunch every day and we all compared notes on our group of guys/girls. Eventually the matches for all of us started rolling in (slow start I guess?) and the array of pick up lines and embarrassing conversations suddenly lit up our lunch hour.
Among my favorite pick up lines (most remained unanswered) are as follows:
1. "I can't figure out how I'm gonna tell my parents how we met." I made it very easy on him. We didn't meet.
2. "I think we should play rock paper scissors to see who breaks the ice?" Ice is far safer left unbroken, so that comment remains hanging unanswered in the virtual world.
3. "On a scale of 1 to 10 how do you feel about the fact that your parents chose f instead of ph for your name?" I think I am still more focused on the disappointment that ensues when your parents name you after a wild cat.
And then came the day when I made the horrible mistake of giving my number to one of the more seemingly normal Hinge suitors. If anything, Hinge has opened my eyes to the fact that I am a VERY poor judge of character.
At this point I blocked his cell number. Quick tech lesson for everyone, if you block someone's number, they aren't blocked through your computer's iMessage. So this lovely message snuck through a week later.
Any more guys out there crazy enough to text a girl you've never met 12 times in a row- direct message me and I'll shoot you my number. Just. My. Type.
And want to know the kicker? I went on a Hinge date for the purposes of writing about it.
But I think that story will have to wait for next time. Gotta leave you readers wanting more right?
Until then,
F
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